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I got m e m e s this time. Y’all happy now?
No, I don’t like anybody. And I’m straight ok?
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[Music] hey fancy boys in project Boyd away the creators of the magnetized Amman summit so really excited for you to jump right into the next interview because we have created this for you to stop attracting emotionally unavailable men overcome your trust issue and so much more so you attract that right man for you that makes you feel seen cherished and supported mm-hmm can’t wait to see you inside the interview and get you on the path of magnetizing your man once and for all see you there look forward to it hello everyone this is Angie boy with the magnetized Amman summit with single successful women graph the attraction code and live there happily ever after and now look sometimes the heavily apt ever ever after happens doing texting or knowing what to do when he doesn’t text back so that’s why I invited the marvelous Rachel who’s so here with me today hi Rachel hi how are you so good to have you here I’m really excited for your content new Tarot it’s such a fun topic and I’m happy to contribute for the women listening and and Elyse is really fun to listen to Rachel because she is an MFT MS matchmaker dating and relationship coach author and speaker she has a master’s degree in marriage and family therapy from Iona College a BA in Psychology which always helps from Rutgers University she found out Rachel Russell relationships in New York city-based dating and relationship consultancy she has spent the last 13 years working in the New York City matchmaking in dating industry and has even created and taught courses on matchmaking to aspiring matchmakers through matchmaking institute rachel is the author of two books including how to get over your ax a step-by-step guide to mend a broken heart italian-american style and a fabulous job guy to become a matchmaker that sounds really fun once went on 92 dates in one year oh my gosh and some and blogged about them thankfully she’s now in the midst of her own happily ever after which is so perfect here so welcome Rachel thank you that is such a nice introduction and I have a lot to say this has been my whole career really full-time for the last 13 years helping women bind and keep love yeah and I certainly know how that feels when you’re really passionate about something so tell us more why are you so passionate about this what put that flame into your heart the your own journey to get where you are well I really just fell into the industry to be honest it wasn’t like when I said oh and I grew up I want to be a matchmaker and a dating coach but I was always really excited about relationships like listening to my friends talk about that reading self-help books about dating so I kind of started that at a young age and I realized through my own challenges as a single woman and then working with clients when I did start the career that relationships are the most challenging complex things for certain people to deal with and they can be the most successful professional women yet they don’t have it right and their love life and I find that despite all of the material success and living a great lifestyle if women don’t have the love that they’re longing for they’re really not happy so to me relationships are the one area that can make us happier or more miserable frankly than anything else right because there are the issues that keep us up at night sad and losing sleep and I just think we need to to learn how to create the relationship that we dream of yeah absolutely you’re so right about that and to take really ownership and stewardship over them versus hoping something just magically falls out of the sky that’s such a good distinction Rachel so today we’re talking a little bit about you know how to text or what to text back that I’m personally not such a texting fan hence I’m not a texting spirt so that’s why I brought you in so you can actually tell the listener more about you know there’s like this kind of type who just likes to text just a the busy it’s faster it’s more efficient whatever so let’s go a little bit into that first of all what to do when he doesn’t text back and that is the question what to do when he does in text this is one of the the biggest concerns that I see of women actually of all ages when they’re newly dating someone it’s a challenge right because they’re interested in a guy but they don’t want to look overeager they don’t want to be texting him and not getting a response right and now we kind of have this whole phenomenon of ghosting that women know about and it’s really painful and feels like a huge rejection if you’ve been out with someone who you liked and then you just never hear from the guy again so you know what what is a woman to do and those those situations that’s the question that I get a lot and I think it’s sort of case by case but I think one thing is to keep in mind so important men like to text sometimes nowadays more than even talking on the phone I hear from a lot of women that say men don’t want to talk on the phone they want to just text and plan the date and they want to talk they want to keep in touch via text but they don’t want to have big emotional discussions about the relationship via text and that’s where a lot of women go wrong so when the man isn’t texting back what they do is send a huge paragraph come to the bar guy who’s going to be like just blown away by it and not in a good way he’s gonna maybe shut down or read it and ignore it and you know that’s the thing like I don’t think women should confront a man via text about the dynamic of the relationship so that’s one thing not to do if she wants to follow up with him she could but she has to keep it a little more lighthearted because important relationship discussions should not happen be a text yeah oh I so agree with that I always tell my clients don’t write novels you know I get screenshots from them say oh no no no no no no like cuz then he doesn’t have a reason to CEO and to me you are my just everything and the problem is you don’t hear the intonation of the voice you don’t know if somebody is like a figurative communication style or yeah communication style you know what I mean like and so there’s so many misunderstandings and so many breakups that happened over text they do I think scan Escalade in a negative direction very quickly especially early on if you don’t understand someone’s humor or what they mean by attacks really what is happening women are projecting their own issues from the past their experiences with previous boyfriends on to this dialogue the attacks sometimes they’re reading into things like you know if he doesn’t respond right away that they’re assuming they’re making up stories in their head about him not being interested or he doesn’t love me or whatever which is like not even the case 90% of the time there’s always something else going on but I do think the bottom line is is that generally you know if a man wants to be in communication with you he will contact you you don’t have to send him the long paragraph and follow up with text after text if you’re not getting an answer sometimes no answer is your answer unfortunately and that’s very hard for a lot of women to accept and that’s when things get out of hand and they start with you know the emotional responses and the paragraphs you know I always bring that example up when you go to a restaurant you just get a little snack you get a little appetizer you get a little I hate tuna right but you know like stop in your face you know all right and your food then you’re like you know like I don’t want any dessert I’m totally full I don’t want any more and ready mint experiences exactly and and something like very important I think women need to realize none especially masculine energy type of men are attracted to vulnerability and women not like a damsel in distress but you know someone who who can be in that face of having emotions and being in a relationship because that’s not men met the male domain like they didn’t grow up like being comfortable learning to talk about this stuff so you know if a woman does that texts she’s not really like showing the guy her femininity her vulnerability so the very same conversation that happens in text can go downhill so quickly and it can lead into a fight but if you had an in-person like you’re saying like okay give him a little appetizer he attacks and then you go in person for the entree the main chorus the conversation he will get to see her body language he will get to see how she looks visually if he’s attracted to her he will be much more receptive to listening and considering what she has to say if it’s like a non-confrontational way that is discussed in person or even on the phone is better that in text so I think women need to realize that they can get what they want more from a man by having those conversations not be a text by actually having them in person oh I love that so much and the reason why we talking about this – it’s like you know some women live in like smaller towns so they have then go online dating and then you know it’s just like the unfortunately little bit of a natural progression because the relationships started sort of in a writing style that’s yeah adding style right and then it’s like just a little harder to break that right so let’s talk a little bit about you know dating in small towns versus big cities like how can a woman and I have women come to me all the time they like until you don’t understand there’s only 2000 people living now you know I mean I mean everybody knows everybody know what are those women do so it can be challenging and I think that there are pros and cons to dating in a big city as well as a small town so if we’re talking about the the small town kind of girls they probably feel disadvantaged because they don’t have the options of the girls that are in the city by far like you can just go in the city and there’s so many single men here there’s not but that’s actually a good thing because there’s less women too so when the men have less options they actually treat each option a little bit better percent not everyone we’re speaking generally but the men know that they have less options so they put more hurt into making a good impression and the small town they may be taking you to more dinners but in the the city what these guys are going on five or ten dates a week they’re not going all these dinners their meeting drinks back-to-back so you actually in a small town have the advantage of getting to know guys a bit better now if you feel like oh my gosh well I don’t even have anyone to date because it’s so small and all the available guys have dated my friends or dated me what do I do well this is where online dating can definitely come into play and even though I’m a matchmaker I do encourage women to take a two or three tiered approach to really finding love if they’re serious so I do think they should put themselves out there and go on online dating sites and dating apps and today you know some apps actually have a really great feature for women in the small towns and like tinder I know for instance is one of them people think that it tends to be an app that’s more for casual hookups but a lot of people actually meet on tinder I know stories of relationships and even marriages so I would say don’t rule it out if you’re listening but when you can do on tinder is you can pay for a membership like a couple I don’t know if it’s twenty dollars a month or thirty or what it is it’s not very expensive and you can actually change your location so if you’re in a small town you can have a zip code somewhere else maybe a secondary city nearby and you can check out the guys that are there obviously you’ll be honest with them and tell them where you’re located if you want to date them but it’s a great way to meet people outside of your area that’s that’s a really good point and noting also what I always see is to really stay open you know I’ve heard so many stories where all of the sudden and introduced to proof friends and one was living in Chicago the other was living in a small town and then you know they’re met or somebody came for visit like a cousin or in a map or whatever right exactly kind of thinking about becoming your own matchmaker so to speak by expanding your network and telling your friends and friends of friends hey I’m single I mean some women don’t want to put it out they’re like that but everyone that you know should know that you’re actually looking and what type of guy you’re looking for so that if they do meet someone they have you fresh in their minds and maybe they’ll be happy to make an introduction for you and just really like expand your network so that’s interesting let’s talk about that because there’s of course a little bit of a stigma that goes with that not feeling a little bit embarrassed and ashamed admitting that you are single and asking for help so what is and people of course talking about this when Carrie got married – you know his lovely princess hey right you know we were talking about that right because there was sort of match made and she was on the forefront of this woman’s mind she was like a PR person or something like that so she you know so my women were asking well so how do I put myself on a forefront of somebody some influencers mind where introduce me to like a great person so what can a woman do to put us up in the best light what maybe some warnings when she quote/unquote sells herself right she hides herself in a way well there’s a couple things and its really a mindset shift first of all that needs to take place and women should not be embarrassed about asking other women right to help them out I think that it’s a tough dating scene out there and we all need to empower each other I mean back in the day centuries and years ago I mean this is what people did communities and many different cultures matched people up the family was responsible but that does not happens as much today so I think we need to look out for each other and the way that I like to look at it is in terms of business so many women who want to succeed in business go to all kinds of networking events and they have no shame standing up at a networking event and say this is the kind of client that I am looking for well why don’t we do that winter or love lives like you said before I mean you can’t just hope that things magically fall into place so women have to think about being more proactive the seem in business like if you think about okay who’s going to kind of do you a favor who’s going to send business your way it’s probably someone who you have proven to them that you bring value to them – you’re not just looking to take take take so what I’m saying is to be very giving to the women in your network and even strangers that you need if you know someone say you went out with a guy a great guy but the two of you didn’t work out for whatever reason but he’s single and you meet a woman why don’t you introduce him – to that woman you know you have to be generous with your network as well and it will come back to you yeah and really teaching people people always ask me like how do you I had one date erase you’re really funny and one date and I thought my god total match everything right but we had no chemistry but I knew he’s good-looking successful he’s like for someone so I’m like I gotta go to this guy right and like leave me the next time with a phone with a girlfriend and and then and I hardly do voice huh and I’m like yo kidding me right so I don’t think about it she’s like well I reached out to him and it totally hit it off right so that’s great no you never know you know another idea for the small town women that I’ve recommended to some of my coaching clients who want to get out there more have an event or a party like a house party it’s such a great way if you’re the hostess you got to kind of like showcase your cooking skills you get to show up your home and look beautiful and the catch is every woman that attends has to bring a single male so there you go you’ll have a roomful of men that don’t know the women and it’s great it ensures an even number of people and everyone brings someone so there are ways to doing that that would probably not happen in the big city most people don’t have house parties yes at least in New York where I am it’s more of like okay you’re going out somewhere but there’s something so personalized and it’s a great opportunity to connect with people who have a mutual friend because you probably already have a lot in common and it’s an intimate setting like a dinner a party I mean that’s how a lot of people in European countries have met like I always say about about France like people don’t even date like they go to dinner parties so I think that everyone should try that no matter where they are that’s such a good point and not not only like it do that bring a friend but also just to think about if you had just any kind of gathering your and the forefront of this woman’s mind now she knows what is this a great hostess I feel really good introducing her to maybe my friend or my cousin brother right right you put yourself and like some sort of positive spotlight exactly where woman feels good about that right so let’s talk about now the opposite cuz what about the women in the big seats let’s say does know but men in LA that’s no good man watching DC there’s no good men in New York enjoy not in San Diego or San Francisco everyone thinks their city is the hardest I had participated in the great love to be you may have heard of and I haven’t met you a couple times so ops they all have challenges right no matter where we are the ratios of men to women are often like not in favor you know there’s a lot more single women that’s what makes it very hard what can I say for the women in the cities I think that you have to take each option very seriously like do not be too picky do not like just dismiss a guy for a superficial reason you know maybe if he’s a little shorter maybe if he doesn’t earn quite as much as you want you have to look at what’s most important to you and if he meets those criteria give him a chance you know don’t expect you feel the fireworks on the first day and if you don’t feel them you’ll never talked to the guy again I do believe that chemistry can grow for women I’ve seen it happen it’s personally happened to me and my relationship so I think women have to and the big cities realize that even though there’s so many options it’s hard for a guy to settle down and be motivated to choose them among all the other woman’s they can’t let a good guy slip away for silly reason yeah yeah and it’s such a good point you know let go off the scary thing because it’s fine it is small those people they think women things you know I need to be in a bigger city but then when you’re in a big city now you have all this competition and you have a despite the scarcity thinking like I’d like yeah I go to the party they are handsome quality men dare but there’s also gorgeous quality women there so thank me there’s competition that’s like this competition so what would you tell a woman how to get out of this sort of competitive sort of thinking which is by the way such a repellant anyways yeah well you know it’s so interesting this is actually what happens me I lived in the city for 11 years and was working as a matchmaker and had all kinds of relationships and everything but mostly single I mean I hadn’t been married and as soon as I moved out to the suburbs which are only 25 minutes away where I’m originally from I got into a great relationship with my current boyfriend so what I would tell women is if it’s not cutting it in the city get out of the city you know you might work in the city and I do a lot of work in the city but I actually don’t need to live there anymore you know it’s it’s close enough that I can be there when I need to be for work and I work from home a lot so if it’s conducive to your lifestyle consider going a little further even five 10 15 miles outside of the city you’ll still find men that probably work in the city and are still cosmopolitan and you’ll have similar values but they might have a little different mentality because they have less options now that they’re in the city so this can now that they’re out of the city rather this can work for you if you like myself if you’re originally from a suburb you wouldn’t mind moving back to wine you’re open to relocation you know if you’re die hard you have to be in the city that only date in the city but if you can go either way then keep your options open to dating both mattad that’s that’s such a good point not to get to get too caught up in the story but if you really feel like that is the reason where you’re just doing better in suburbs yeah do that get out right we talked about that the great love with me too I think it’s something to it I really do yeah awesome yeah and so let’s let’s wrap it up because we started with texting right so like a new one but what about the texting so what are some good like texts like some practical tools that you can give women or something that they can text that’s fun that’s floaty that’s engaging but it’s not too much sure well I think you have to be careful with this in the very beginning because you want it to be like personalized butt-nik things men love like playful lighthearted kind of dialogue I’m not seeing pet names you have to call them babe or baby or everything’s like you don’t do that after like a first date but coming up with like cute and playful nicknames that reflect their personality they really like that they like fun questions open-ended like unique questions so maybe once in a while you can ask one of those just don’t be boring don’t make it like the same oh how was your day like how is work today like that’s so boring that you have to think about like giving a man incentive to take a moment from his busy day and answer your text message humor goes a long way if you find like a funny meme or a photo or something or even an article that reminds you of him send him that and make like a witty comment and start a dialogue so you want to think outside the box always with the text messages to man that you signs I think you need to reread them and it sounds silly but make sure there’s no grammatical errors it really takes away like you send this like great smooth text message and then there’s all these selling errors just really draft your messages and and write something that you think is going to make him compelled to respond right away mmm that’s such a good point you know I know spelling errors for me that was always like a little bit of a red flag you know like it’s like such a romantic note and and that’s such a good point too you know I always tell my women it’s about creating a state change right like a man moves or gets motivated when there’s a state change it was just the same oh it’s like predictable like oh yes Susan asked me how I’m doing and Julia asked me how I’m doing and it’s just great mmm it is not I’m hot you’re so bright I mean with men it’s not about like updating him on all the details of your life like that’s for your girlfriends like they don’t need to know that they need to know big picture they like compliments they like fun conversation if you have a sexual relationship already you can have like a little sexual conversation I’m not saying to some pictures gonna get them on the internet but I’m seeing have fun have fun make it a playful relationship in order for a man to commit to you you need to be adding value to his life and one good way to be doing that is to stand touch with him every day so he feels like he has like that partner in crime and someone fun so like when something good happens in his life he looks forward to texting it to you and vice versa like not you know this big dramatic conversation or double texting or why haven’t you answered back or playing games and ignoring him like men do not men don’t think about the texting stuff as much as we do like we really analyze it as women and I encourage women to get away from that and just make it fun yeah it’s absolutely true you know like men can just look at it one time and then kind of so as we’re wrapping up our interview Rachel what’s like one golden nugget or one tip that you can leave the women with okay so I’m assuming this is for women that are looking to have a committed relationship with the man who’s like crazy about that right that’s what we want to magnetize the man I would actually say to create this emotional attraction with man you need to be vulnerable and I kind of hit on that before but it was this like femininity and this vulnerability that I think women really need to have to show to keep a man engaged so don’t be afraid to be yourself don’t think that you have to be perfect I think men actually like it like if you can get to that emotional place and you could share things and you could be a little scared because it encourages them to do that and you could do a little of that via text if you’re shy about doing it in person start doing it via text have those conversations in person too like we talked about but don’t be afraid to be vulnerable because you need to be to find love and to have a man feeling comfortable falling in love with you awesome I love that so much Rachel so for the women who like gosh like Rachel I fell in love with you know what gift do you have for them okay so for any women listening I’m happy to do a dating and relationship consultation and it will be free of charge we can do something on FaceTime or zoom or Skype or a phone call is fine as well and I will really assess how I can help these women so this should be for women who maybe want to hire me as a coach now we’re in the near future and I can give them some insight I can listen to their situation give them some practical advice ideas for the future if they are single and they’re in the New York City area or they’re willing to relocate to the New York City area I could consider them for my complimentary database as a matchmaker the men are the paying clients in my business and they absorb the cost so ladies if you’re listening you want to be in the big city or near it I might be able to match you up with a really amazing commitment-oriented guy so I’m happy to do a little matchmaking interview and see who I have for you oh I’m loving that ladies so how can you pass her up on that offer sort of link for that will be below so don’t worry click on link below and you get all the information right there well thank you so much for all your wisdom today Rachel I certainly learned a lot and I you took some notes as well all right I’ll talk to you next time titties for having me what’s that absolutely delicious we just love how every single expert has those juicy pieces of wisdom for you to enjoy look if you want to own the entire magnetized Amman series we invite you to get our magnetized man VIP all-access package not only will you own the entire video series but also you will get our magnetized man master class that teaches you the free step formula step by step on how to attract the right man for you you also get some other juicy secret trainings and a one on one call with me where we personalize your individual journey to attract the right man for you as soon as possible so look to get that click the link below that says get access now and you get it all own the entire series including all the juicy bonuses well worth over $1,400 for nearly the fraction of the cost all right we will see you in the next interview see you soon bye [Music]