When Chris Morgan had a meltdown at the Bagel Boss in Long Island, he was tapping into real frustrations short men have in dating. Here’s how short guys can learn to get the girl.
▶︎ How the body shaming of Jason Momoa and the Bagel Boss meltdown are symptoms of the same problem
▶︎ Why your height isn’t the deal breaker you think it is
▶︎ What Tom Cruise, Robert Downey Jr., Donald Glover and Bruno Mars have in common
▶︎ Why women like tall men
▶︎ How to seem taller than you really are
…and so much more.
▶︎ 5 Dating Tips for Short Men – https://www.doctornerdlove.com/5-dating-tips-for-short-men/
▶︎ How To Get Women To Approach You – https://www.doctornerdlove.com/get-women-to-approach-you/
▶︎ Finding True Confidence – https://www.doctornerdlove.com/find-true-confidence/
▶︎ Why You Should Fake It Til You Make It – https://www.doctornerdlove.com/fake-it-until-you-make-it/
▶︎ What is The “It” Factor? – https://www.doctornerdlove.com/it-factor/
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Welcome to the Show Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
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[Music] hey everyone Harris omalley from dr. nerd love.com there’s been an embarrassment of riches to talk about recently and in fact they all kind of tie together in a Wow this is both be and revealing kind of way the first were the people who are commenting about how Jason Momoa has started giving a dadbod because he’s between projects and isn’t trying to maintain a literally impossible lifestyle and workout regimen the second is Chris Morgan who went viral after having been filmed while having an epic screaming meltdown in a Long Island bagel shop over I you not being short no for real he goes off completely unprompted about how some theoretical woman who incidentally wasn’t at that bagel boss made derogatory comments about his height and now he’s just raging it several random people and trying to pick fights with strangers this incidentally is this incidentally is one of the few times you actually can use a meme in real life sir this is a bruger’s as it happens this may actually have been as much content as conflict turns out that Morgan had emphasis on the past tense a YouTube channel that was nothing but videos of him being almost absurdly racist and screaming at people for various perceived slights and insults especially around his height how can you sit here and make fun of somebody and then all of a sudden and then all of a sudden you’re sorry you’re not sorry I’m gonna call the play I’m gonna call I’m gonna make another video of it when they get here right now you could be forgiven for wondering how much of this is because he’s a couple bagels short of a dozen or if he’s going for that tall outrage dollar that YouTube is so good moding also he filmed all of his videos vertically so he’s clearly history’s greatest monster of course the internet being the Internet plenty of folks decided to start making with the short jokes which you know doesn’t really help especially since the issue isn’t that he’s short it’s that apparently he took the Pottermore quiz and discovered that his Patronus is Joe Pesci in Goodfellas now as much as it’s tempting to just dunk on this guy I’m just gonna let that one go the screaming about height does tie into the body shaming of Jason Momoa in a very particular way it’s another example of toxic masculinity ruining the party yet again this is the belief that men are supposed to fit into an incredibly small and restrictive box and people who don’t fit into that very narrow description of what it means to be a man are made to feel like they’re defective or flawed and a lot of times men who feel excluded by the supposedly traditional and restrictive ideas of what it means to be a man frequently overcompensate in other ways especially with anger and violence but while it’s pretty clear that mr. Morgan’s dating issues don’t have anything to do with his short stature his nearly incoherent anger does actually reflect a real anxiety that a lot of men deal with there are a lot of guys who feel that being shorter than six feet puts them at a disadvantage in dating and they believe that women find men who were shorter than average to be less attractive and less desirable as partners it’s not true I’m 5/8 I’ve never had a problem with my height and you can easily disprove the idea that height is restrictive by well going literally anywhere you’d find couples hanging out together you’ll see guys were five eight five five five to even out with their partners but it’s understandable why people feel this way height is one of those attributes that’s highly correlated with masculinity despite the fact that the average height for an American man is around 5 foot 9 and it’s really easy to be convinced that you don’t measure up literally but as with many other issues the advantages provided by height are temporary inflating at best it could provide a bonus on that initial impression but people don’t make decisions about who they will or won’t be attracted to exclusively on first impressions any woman out there can tell you about guys that she met who she thought were hot at first but who then immediately did or said something that rendered them completely unsuitable in reality the number of women for whom height is an absolute deal breaker is much much lower than most guys realize it only seems more significant because of a mental quirk known as confirmation bias if you’re anxious about your height then you’re gonna pay more attention to people who make mention of it and also not notice it when they don’t this is the same reason why when you’ve just bought a particular shirt or a pair of shoes suddenly you start seeing it everywhere it’s not that the actual number of people wearing them has changed it’s just that now you’re more aware of it the problem is that when the thing that you’re noticing is particularly close to your heart you take it more personally and that means you’re more prone to absolute as catastrophic thinking like assuming that all women only want tall men now to be fair career fair there are women out there who have an exclusive preference for taller guys it won’t take you more than a couple of seconds on tinder OkCupid or bumble to find a random profile where a woman says that she only dates guys were six feet tall or taller which hey you know that’s her call but honestly it’s not manifestly different from guys who put no fat chicks or other exclusionary phrases in their profile the only real difference is that it’s excluding you and honestly that’s something to think about if you’re getting upset when women won’t consider you as a prospective partner it could be some good to think of all the women that you’ve written off and why the truth is that when it comes to what they want in a man women tend to prioritize for things like intelligence and a sense of humor warmth and kindness over height looks matter too but as I’ve said before your looks have far more to do with your presentation and your grooming than your bone structure and facial symmetry much like hair color or accent height is one of those factors that’s a value-add but something that’s far often more flexible than a lot of people give credit for unless you really think that Robert Downey jr. Tom Cruise Donald Glover or Bruno Mars have issues with women thinking that they’d be cute but they’re just too short yes these are celebrities they have other desirable traits which is entirely the point dating is about what you bring to the table and people often decide that what they like about you overrides their ideas about their tight and honestly one of the harsh truths is that despite an entire industry of snake oil and both and insanely risky and painful surgery your height is something you’re stuck with so if you’re someone who won’t be playing center for the NBA any time soon you want to learn how to work with it and work around it the key to this is understanding why height is attractive it’s not the height itself so much is what we associate with being tall the emotions more than the numbers for example one of the reasons why some women like dating men who are taller than they are is because it makes them feel more feminine this is especially true of women who are taller than average they’re as likely to get taunted and teased for being too tall and thus insufficiently girly you know in case you ever wanted an example about how stalks our ideas about manhood affect women too but just as importantly we tend to equate height with things like confidence self-assuredness status value but those qualities aren’t exclusive to the tall they’re things that you can develop yourself after all the most attractive attributes in men our confidence and fun and confident high value men don’t go around complaining about their height they recognize all the things that are awesome about them and focus on that instead straighttalk part of the problem that shorter guys have is that they are more concerned with how tall they are than literally anybody else is someone who’s preoccupied with their height and what that means and whether or not it means someone’s gonna be attracted to or not is radiating insecurity which is the anti-sex equation it puts you into a negative feedback loop you’re radiating anger and bitterness and a lack of confidence which turns women off then you blame your lack of success on your height which makes you angrier and more bitter and so the cycle continues this is why you need to stop being so concerned with your actual height I realize that this is easier said and done it’s like being told that hey flying is easy all you have to do is throw yourself at the ground and miss but the more hung up you are on your height the more that you’re missing out on opportunities that you would recognize if you weren’t so busy being angry about it and notice very carefully that I said your actual height that’s because you don’t want to worry about how many inches you have you want to focus on how you make people feel the truth is that a lot of times our impression of people has more influence on how we feel about them then the reality does so if you aren’t as tall as you would like to be and you’d like to have more social success start by developing your presence people who have presents tend to appear taller than they actually are they loom larger in our minds they feel more important and more influential and as a result we tend to think of them as being taller than they are in reality part of this is a matter of how you use your body and your body language you want to be willing to take up space not so much that you look like you’re trying to play goalie at the World Cup but simply standing up straight with your chest open and your shoulders back mind you not like you’re standing at attention just that you’re unafraid to claim the space that you occupy imagine that there’s a thread attached to the top of your skull that’s gently pulling you upwards let that elongate your spine while you hold your shoulders back while your arms hang down relaxed at your sides you want to focus on making your motion smooth and Deliver instead of fast and twitchy walk like you’re walking the music keep your head level move with purpose or even a little bit of swagger one thing that can really help with this is to try yoga not only is this good for fixing your posture and increasing your awareness of your body but it can also help you stop slouching and that may actually add an inch to your effective height you also want to learn to develop that quiet intensity that signals true confidence in authority like I said in my episode on charisma and personal magnetism most people are preoccupied with wanting to be lights they’re afraid to assert themselves or to take ownership of their feelings as a result they tend to be wishy washy and decisive and overly concerned with what other people think and a lot of times people who are insecure will overcompensate by mistaking things like volume and aggression for confidence and intensity Bagle dude isn’t coming off as dominant in alpha he’s coming off as a guy who is deeply insecure and trying to make up for with bluster and noise and it works bad as well as well [Music] now part of what can help with building this confidence and give the impression that you’re taller than you actually are is in your style and the way that you dress one of the mistakes that shorter men make is that they tend to dress in ways that emphasize their lack of height a lot of times they’re actually cutting themselves off at the knee or more accurately at the waist if you have clothes with a strong contrast such as a black shirt and khaki pants then you create a visual interruption that truncates your torso and throws off your proportions it ends up emphasizing your lack of stature because the sudden sharp contrast throws off the way that your eye tracks up and down the body instead you want to create a smooth silhouette where the eye travels fluidly up and down keeping the colors you wear a consistent hue helps create a seamless visual transition that doesn’t end up throwing off the eye this incidentally is one of the reasons why a two-button suit can work better for shorter than men than a blazer and slacks keeping things the same color and material creates a better smoother look but you also want to make sure that your clothes flatter your size and fit properly for example coats with a broad lapel especially something double-breasted draws the eye across rather than up and down baggy clothes just make you look like you got shrunk in the wash on the other hand a shirt that hugs your torso an arm and with sleeves that stop either just at the bones of your wrist or in the middle of your bicep help keep you from looking like you’re getting lost in your own clothing similarly a slim pair of pants with a straight or tapered leg helps create that feeling of height it encourages the eye to travel instead of shortening your limbs just make sure that you have as minimal of a break as possible in your pants you don’t want them to look like they’re pooling at the ankles this interrupts the silhouette and it makes you look like you’re wearing pants that are just too long and there’s a bonus to wearing clothes that de-emphasize your height not only is easier to create the feeling and others that you’re taller than you really are but it makes you feel good about how you look and that helps you build in Rio that attractive confidence and self-assurance and all of this will especially help when you’re out meeting people and to be perfectly frank gentlemen if you’re shorter than average you may want to focus on meeting people in person rather than through online dating the advantage of meeting people in person is that it’s easier to win someone over with your wit and your charm they’re getting to know you and realizing how awesome you are the trouble with online dating is that there’s less of an opportunity for serendipity it’s too easy to get overly specific and accidently filter out people who would be incredible for you but who don’t match what you want on paper and honestly in an era when we do most of our conversations through keyboards and screens having the confidence to talk to new people in person at bars and classes or meetups it’s like a goddamn superpower incidentally when you do use the dating apps don’t lie about your height there is nothing less appealing than starting a date with the realization that somebody thought it was okay to lie to you to get that date if they don’t want to date someone below a certain height that’s their problem not yours you don’t want to date someone who’s not into you which actually ties into another part of having more dating success when you’re short an important part of that confidence and intensity is to not let other people’s opinions rattle you people are always going to say stupid some folks are gonna make jokes some folks are gonna make comments about your height some folks are gonna have comments on their dating profiles that exclude you it sucks but letting it throw you or worse letting it put you on the defensive only works against you the less your height bothers you the less important it becomes to others the reason the real reason why a lot of women don’t like dating shorter guys it has far less to do with their height and far more to do with their attitude okay whether you’re full of self-pity or aggressive anger that resentment is painfully unattractive no woman wants a guy who’s gonna get pouty or angry or throw a tantrum if she’s wearing heels when they go out now on the other hand a guy who may be short but isn’t afraid to flirt with people or who doesn’t care if his date or his girlfriend is taller than him is someone who is brimming with that attractive confidence which actually brings us to one final tip don’t be afraid to approach or date tall women women who are taller than average frequently have issues finding men who were interested in them often for the same reason that shorter guys have issues insecure dudes can’t handle dating someone who is as tall as they are or who god forbid might actually be a little bit taller especially in their favorite shoes but a guy who has both the confidence not to be threatened by dating someone taller than them and the guts to challenge both good ideas about men and women that guy is pretty damn attractive no matter what his height is hey thanks for checking out my latest video so you’ve heard from me now I want to hear from you especially if you’re someone who date’s men what is the most important quality that attracts you to a person and makes you want to date them share your thoughts in the comments below if you have a short dating question that you’d like to have featured in a future episode then you can call it in two five one two five two two six five one three and leave a voicemail or you can record it on your end and send it to doc at dr. nerd love.com with for YouTube in the subject header and since we’re talking about leveling up your charisma and your confidence if you want a head start on grinding out those social skills and taking a level and being a sexy badass then check out my book New Game+ the geeks guide to love sex and dating this is the A to Z instruction manual that we all wish we had gotten when we first started dating it takes the mystery out of attraction and teaches you everything you’ve always wanted to know about meeting and dating incredible women but we’re afraid to ask links to buy it are in the show notes to go check it out and if you do check it out or any of my other books for that matter be sure to rate and review it on amazon and Goodreads it’s a huge huge help meanwhile if you’re diggin the series then you know what to do hit that thumbs up share with all your friends like share subscribe ring the bell for now occasions we do this every time you know how you know how YouTube works but if you’re really enjoying these videos and I mean really enjoying them if you feel like you’re getting a lot out of it you’re finding that it’s really helping you and you want to support the channel and in the process fund some awesome new projects consider 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