how to deal being in a long distance relationship (advice + tips)

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if you start to think of it that way it’s making your relationship stronger [Music] hey guys I will come back to my channel believe it or not only reason I’m filming in my bedroom is because it’s the quietest area in the house right now we’ve live in a really busy neighborhood so all day they’ve been doing construction and so I really really hope it doesn’t interfere with this video cuz I can just I don’t want to lose my train of thought anyways I’m really excited about this video you guys you guys have been requesting us to down video for a really long time and I don’t know why it’s taking me so long to make this video you guys are always asking me questions about how to deal with long distance relationships you guys have my so many questions and I really do feel like I have so much insight from my own experience to give to you guys so I’m really excited and with that said let’s get started so not gonna lie I have some notes on my laptop right now because I don’t want to forget anything super important all the advice I’m going to give you guys today are things that I did for myself while we were apart for about almost a year and it really did help me that’s why I’m giving you guys the same advice in hopes that it will help you as well in whatever situation you guys are going through right now but as for the first thing I want to talk about something that is truly so important when your significant other is away is to not put your life on hold and what I mean by that is just because your significant other is away for however long I know that feeling of your life just feels sort of stuck or it feels just like it is on hold and you’re waiting for them to get back at least for me I felt like I was going to waste all of that time when I could have been progressing in so many other aspects of my life because that’s your that’s your time and that’s you know that’s one less person essentially that you have to worry about on the daily and so now you have that time to reflect on yourself and your life and where you want to go what you want to do okay see if anything to be said so when I say don’t put your life on hold I mean it in that way like don’t not go out and do things because in your head you’re like these are things I only did with my husband or my wife or I don’t feel comfortable going out without them or you know just like little thoughts like that in your head I feel like it’s it’s something people don’t realize that they do because their significant other is away but it’s something important to really acknowledge and ask yourself am i doing this what can I do to not feel that way and to still keep living like even when they’re not here I’ll also give you guys an example Stephen and I have been traveling the world since we were 18 like that was always our thing and when he left I didn’t want to stop and I told myself that was probably gonna be the one biggest thing I was going to do to get out of my comfort zone while he was away and I know some people travel alone all the time like it’s a common thing but for me it was like I had to prove to myself that I could do it without him and I went to Portland with my cousin so I technically wasn’t alone but for me it’s like I took the full control I was a navigator I basically took Stephens role when I left and when I went to Portland by the way if you guys are new to my channel and you guys don’t know who Stephen is soon is my husband if you haven’t just click this video but yeah so traveling was always our thing and I told myself I want to do something that’s completely out of my comfort zone so I still know that I’m still living my life even while he’s away and for me that was the one thing it was traveling going somewhere new and of course even being there I really wanted him there but it was good to know and I was able to tell myself I can do this if I wanted to keep traveling and doing things like this on my own I I could do it I’m capable of doing it so that’s an example that I can give you guys from my own personal life when it comes to emotions I never tell anyone to hold them back but there is a time and a place to break down and if you are feeling upset or lonely or you’re just having one of those days I totally feel you I’ve had those and I had a lot of them but something I tried to get myself to do was to not get too much into that habit it’s actually something that my mother-in-law pointed out was usually usually when your significant other is long distance it’s for a greater purpose if you really think about it at the end of the day they’re doing something great they’re doing something for themselves they’re doing something for their country whatever it is this doesn’t even have to be just like a military perspective but whatever it is they’re doing they’re doing something that’s going to benefit them and the both of you later on in life when you think about it that way you almost start to feel a little bit better because you know that there’s a greater purpose for it and so although I did have those times where I would break down and I would cry and it was usually in the beginning I would tell myself it’s okay to feel this way but you should but I didn’t want to feel that way all day every day cuz it wasn’t healthy for me and it wouldn’t have been healthy for him to know I was feeling that way he wanted to know that I was happy I was living my life I was you know working on me so that I could be a better person and a better I don’t know wife girlfriend at the time for our relationship letting your emotions out is completely healthy I don’t suggest that you hold them in ever but there’s always a time and a place and when you do to redirect your thoughts in that way you sort of start to make yourself feel better don’t let your emotions consume you because once you get to that point it’s it’s a lot harder to think positive and think again about that greater purpose of why they’re away or why you two are separated now this one sort of goes along with what I just said but it’s thinking positive this is the one I focused on the most while I was dealing with our long distance relationship and when it came to my mental health my physical health just kind of like discovering what I liked my interest what I disliked just focusing on myself as an individual like that was something I worked on the entire time that we were separated because I knew how important it was for me especially to know those things about myself because you know in my situation specifically I got with my husband at a very young age and we have been together ever since you know we were highschool sweethearts so between from when we met until he left like everything I did of course I enjoyed those things but I never really asked myself what I liked it was always more I was always more like go with the flow whatever you want to do and then while we were dealing with long distance I told myself I did a little self reflecting and I needed to know the things that made me happy it sounds weird but I was actually a lot more motivated well he was gone to work ow read a book like I kid you not I would wake up every single day maybe like five six days a week five hang out and I would work out in my room just a couple wait if I had like eight pound ten pound weights and I would do like a quick 20 minutes err c’t and that was it and I would start eating healthy and like doing all these things for myself to make me feel good it did feel good I I don’t know what it is I think it’s when you’re with your when you’re with your person you get so comfortable and then you don’t want to do those things and you make excuses because you want to spend time with them and whatever whatever even now I’m trying to find a balance between that and it’s still doing things for myself but especially while he was away I really focused on things that I was lacking while he was here and that was my fitness and even practicing that sort of like self discovery was super beneficial to me I realized how much I loved working out and how much I loved meditation and if you guys look back at old videos I talked about how much of meditation helped me during that like nine months that we were separated you know when you get so comfortable you almost you don’t have that push having a long time for the most part can be very beneficial in so many ways and I don’t even just mean from your significant other but from people in general I remember every day during my lunch at work I would go to Chipotle got a mr. Foley I would go to Chipotle I’d come back to my favorite part right by my house or right by my job and I would sit there for an hour and I would eat my lunch and I would be off my phone for unless I was texting him and sort of just like really taken all of my surroundings that comes with better in your mental health so you’re like being outside breathing in fresh air like stepping away from all the noise it’s so it just it makes your day feels so much better and so much calm your if you feel so much more at peace and so those are things that I would try and practice and do to get away from the noise you know from waking up at 5:00 a.m. to going to work and then having a school later on like that was my that was my time to enjoy feel feel peaceful it was really tough to fall asleep in the beginning but with keeping myself busy that way with waking up as early as I did with doing physical act with going to work full-time and going to school I think I was taking maybe like one or two classes at the time that really drained me throughout the days so eventually once I got home and once I got to bed I fell asleep instantly so some of you guys may not be that busy and if you’re not that’s completely fine but it’s something that I do suggest is maybe try a new hobby if you have the time or take a really long hike but take somebody if we’re gonna go on a long hike try things that you’ve always wanted to try but I’ve always been too afraid after going through being separated I realized how necessary it is and how beneficial it is towards a relationship with anybody but especially your significant other where you’re all Twitter already with them every day some people not everyone they sort of start to like lose themselves within the relationship and they don’t really know what they like or what they don’t like or what brings them joy and I also believe separation makes the heart grow fonder and it definitely did it makes you more grateful for the person in your life while they’re away and when you’re again when you’re with someone every day sometimes you need that because you start to take the other person for granted or they start taking you for granted so you know as a sad and lonely as it can be sometimes if you start to think of it that way it’s making your relationship stronger it really is that’s why while you’re separated it’s really important to take that time and to reflect and focus on yourself so that when they come back you’re filled of joy because something I’ve always heard growing up was you can’t love somebody else until you love yourself and everyone’s situation is completely unique and completely different when you have this time of partes it’s almost like a blessing in disguise so I know being long distance can be really hard but at the end of the day it’s it’s so good for you and for the relationship now you guys are probably wondering well what about communicating with my spells like while we’re away of course I definitely definitely would say make it a priority if it’s possible to talk to them at least once a day my husband and I we talked I want to see it every day other than like the first couple of months and then after that we were able to talk at least once a day and especially on the weekends we could pretty much talk all day but definitely make that a priority and if you can’t talk to them every day you know those few times that you can have those conversations those FaceTime calls phone calls whatever it may be just be present and in the moment during those calls give your focus completely on your spouse I mean living in this era has its benefits like being able to FaceTime somebody almost makes it feel like they’re there here so I was always really grateful that we would get those FaceTime calls as often as we did and while making yourself a priority during that time obviously making those phone calls with your significant other a priority just so they know also like I haven’t forgotten about you I still love you and it also makes them feel good to feel that love and be reassured of everything like I said and yeah so that is pretty much it for this video you guys I really hope you enjoyed it and I really hope I got my point across with what I was trying to say it could be very difficult lonely hard situation especially if it’s not just the two of you and you guys may have children you can only imagine how difficult that could be but I think regardless of your situation these tips and this advice one way or another really help the time pass and help you and benefit you if you guys enjoyed this video make sure to give it a thumbs up and if you aren’t already subscribed to my channel I love you guys like always and I will see you on my next video bye guys [Music] you


    Aaron Caelan

    (11/10/2019 - 10:14 pm)

    can you make a pros and cons video of being stationed in germany. my hubby and I are in hawaii right now and really want our next stop to be germany! I absolutely love your videos

    Amyas Chris

    (11/10/2019 - 10:15 pm)

    Wow Xalli you look very nice and beautiful amazing video well done ❤️❤️

    Laraine Brody

    (11/10/2019 - 10:15 pm)

    Having been in a relationship for 2 years and long distance for a year and 2 months, I found this incredibly accurate! It was one of the best advice videos I’ve seen. My boyfriend is attending the U.S Naval Academy while I am back in our home state attending college. Keeping busy has been the best help for both of us. Blessings to you and your sweet family!

    Indie Tory

    (11/10/2019 - 10:16 pm)

    This came at a perfect time, about to start over a year of long distance with my husband.

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