How to Weather the Storms in Your Relationship | #RelationshipAdvice #MillennialMarriage

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hey guys so Instagram paused on me again and I was talking about three lessons in love that we learn from storms three lessons in love that we learn from storms so for those who don’t know I am in New Orleans and right now we are doing the normal thing that we will be doing in June July August preparing for a storm and I was up late as I mentioned in the last video before it stopped I was up late and a word came to me that many times people do not prepare their relationships for a storm one of the things that’s really just a part of life here in New Orleans is knowing that there is a season of rain that happens every year and so instead of being surprised or shocked or running away when we see a storm coming we prepare for we prepare all year and on that vein one of the things that that’s really crazy in relationships and marriage is that we get into them expecting for them to just work and when it doesn’t just work we don’t we’re not trained and what fixing things looks like and what preparing for difficulty looks like and what weathering the storm looks like so we run away and here in New Orleans we’re trained from childhood to prepare for a storm we’re not trained to run away from storms who are trained to secure the things that we feel are valuable we’re also trained which is something that you know you got to be from here to know but I think it’s why a lot of our relationships are very long lasting is because we’re not afraid of storms we’re not taught to be afraid of storms when I taught to be afraid of bad weather or difficulties or challenges we’re taught to draw closer to each other if you have ever been to New Orleans and heard of a hurricane party it’s what we do families together during storms we come together in our homes everyone brings their provisions and we ride out the storm together and that’s how we are raised from the from the very beginning now I’m not telling you to write out abuse or write out you know a situation where your life is in danger or a situation where your mental health is in danger but what I am saying is that in relationships the reason that we get into relationships is so that we have a partner to weather the storms of life with and we have a partner to celebrate the winds of life with and so learn to weather the storms one of the things that I love is that we are taught that every every year you’re gonna have a rainy season every year it’s not something to be afraid of it’s something to prepare for and a lot of couples wait until the storm shows up to decide and I see them listen when we talk about hurricanes when we talk about storms they got people every year I bought gallons upon gallons of water last week there are people in the store right now mad because they can’t find no water mad cuz they can’t find no break this ain’t no surprise your storms and life should not be a surprise to you expect them expect them expect them expect those seasons and prepare for them especially in marriages and relationships especially in marriages and relationships you need to prepare for storms because there are times when your partner will be going through a storm that you have nothing to do with and you will be going through a storm that your partner has nothing to do with and it’s important for you guys to be invested in the relationship and ready to weather the storms together so one of the lessons that we’ve learned from living in a stormy place and being in a relationship that has weathered many storms is that you don’t blame your partner for the storm you don’t blame the people around you for the storm that’s that’s not what’s gonna help you get through the storm that will cause contention that will put a wedge between you guys that will have you fighting in a hot house with the lights off and it’s wet and rainy outside and so we don’t blame each other for the storm we come closer to each other we prepare our environment we clean our house we prepare the environment so that everyone going through the storm can go through it at least as comfortable as possible and we avoid finger-pointing we avoid finger-pointing because you know why while we understand that the storm is difficult we understand that it’s uncomfortable we don’t want to go through it we also know that it has an end that storm will end and things will turn around and the Sun will come out and when the Sun comes out we still want to love each other and so often in relationships and marriages you go through a storm together but you’re biting at each other you’re fighting at each other you’re captain at each other you’re beating each other up during the storm and when you get to the other side of that storm you have a whole nother storm to deal with because of the things you said when it was raining because of the things you did when it was raining and how you responded to the storm so if you expect the storm if you expect the storm if you prepare for the storm if you make this situation in the environment as comfortable as possible for each other instead of pointing fingers at each other and blaming each other for the storm you will come through that storm on the other side unscathed you will come through that storm on the other side truly truly loving each other deeper and having a greater appreciation for your partner I look at our marriage and there’s so many things that we’ve been through where we could have blamed each other what we could have pointed fingers at each other and a lot of people wonder you know how are you all seven years into a marriage I’ll still act like y’all on a honeymoon it’s because we prepared for the storms we weren’t surprised by the storms we expected them and we came up with systems we came up with communication tools we came up with ways to operate during a storm that will make the other side of that a beautiful thing and not this this situation where we’re cleaning up the wreckage that we caused each other thank you thank you so much for praying for us we’re gratefully we are on high ground but things can happen because New Orleans is below sea level but we are high ground we’re outside of the city limits and we’re prepared we really are we filled up the car with gas we have water we’re close to an exit route so that’s that’s the preparations that we make and here’s the thing we’re running is not our first response when the storm comes running is never our first response when the storm comes for some people it is but when you are married when you’re in a relationship when you claim to love someone running should never be your first response your first response is always to secure what is valuable to you if your relationship is valuable to you if your partner is valuable to you of your heart and your mind are valuable to you secure those things first and then if you do have to run because we only run if it’s mandatory if you have to run you can run together instead of running away from each other and so those are lessons that really came to me sat on my spirit last night but as I look over our life together as I look over upbringing even though we were raised in two totally different environments in the city there are certain things about living in this region that everyone gets everyone learns how to prepare for a storm everyone learns how to ride out or weather the storm everyone learns that instead of panicking instead of you know being surprised we learn to hunker down and draw closer to each other so look at your relationships and ask yourself are these lessons that you have been applying and are these things that you can apply going forward instead of pointing fingers and blaming each other for whatever the storm is how can you come closer how can you create systems and structures inside of your relationship so that the foundation stands strong even when the winds come even when things are trying to knock you of course even when the rain comes even when you get flooded out how do you come closer together and secure each other so I hope that was valuable to somebody I hope I hope I truly do hope that that move someone spirit that identified and fed someone here one person is all I need and and truly what I will say is invest in your relationship invest in a strong relationship before your relationship has to be strong and that goes for not only your relationship with other people but your relationship with you too because critics are gonna come naysayers are gonna come storms are gonna come times are gonna come when you don’t feel prepared you don’t feel qualified you don’t feel all the things you got to be prepared and you have to make sure that your relationship with you is built tough enough to weather the storm don’t run from your storms whether your storms and that makes you stronger on the other side that makes you better prepare to share your story it makes you prepare to share your testimony and to support and help other people had I run from my marriage when things got tough had I run from my relationship I wouldn’t be here to share with you guys today and I don’t mean struggle love that’s not what I’m talking about here what I’m talking about is truly loving someone truly being invested and planted in your relationship you don’t uproot yourself when the storm comes you don’t know you don’t do that you don’t you end up being a ping-pong ball getting flown a little flute all over everywhere and not the flute out kind you Gone with the Wind going with laughs you ever seen those news people I know they have the news coverage when the storms are hitting down here in the south I know the news coverage is everywhere and there’s like the news person on the beach in Biloxi somewhere getting blown all over the place you see things in the background you know why because they didn’t secure those things here we’re taught anything that can move you tie down anything that can move you tie down from your garbage can to your porch swing anything that can move you tie it down before the storm comes and when you are well versed in the for better or for worst part you can see the signs you can see the signs of a storm coming in vogue says I need to hear this and apply it to other areas of my life I am a runner I find it to be an inconvenience to keep dealing with certain things and because you run you keep dealing with certain things and that’s that’s it doesn’t sound it to you it sounds like if I run away from it I don’t have to deal with it anymore but guess what that same storm gonna meet you somewhere else because you need to be strengthened in that area and if you keep on running you’re gonna keep on dealing with the same things again and again because guess what I know someone like that I know someone who is always relocating is always running always start new businesses always leaving the difficulty trying to find ease somewhere you have to create ease you have to create the environment of fulfillment we talked about that this week in the feminine success formula master class for those of you who are in in the master class you have to create that environment for yourself and if you don’t go through the storm you don’t have the tools to really create that environment you only have the tools to create an environment for comfort and then when your comfort is shaken up you’re moving but wherever you go there you are wherever you go there you are so your lessons are gonna follow you because it’s the same oh you needing the same old strengthening okay can’t run from your shadow oh that’s a good one you can’t you can’t you absolutely cannot you might as well turn toward the light so that’s my word for y’all today that is my that’s really my word for you today and thank you for being transparent both because that’s something that a lot of people deal with a lot of people when things get difficult they run away from it they run away from it and realize that they keep experiencing the same situation with a different face or they keep experiencing very similar situations very similar storms and it’s because that storm is not coming to tear you up that storm is coming to teach you that storm is coming to teach you so you have to be willing to learn you have to be willing to be coached by life because everything everything everything is a is in divine order everything is a part of the plan and if you try to go against the plan you know I used to watch final destination movies and that that stopped me in my tracks early on in life like I was a kid saying whatever come i’ma just deal with it cuz I don’t want that other thing to happen and so dealing with it is what creates wisdom so many people want wisdom without experience and wisdom is a product of experience wisdom is is what you get is your reward for learning and going through the experience keeping up with Lana says yeah was that person but I learned what I was doing and evolved I learned to go toward everything that I wanted to run from exactly exactly lean now I don’t like to say lean in especially it’s the difficult things or challenging things but run toward the storm don’t run away from it don’t run away from it the only way through it is through it for real because storms travel in case you haven’t noticed storms travel storms will follow you for real for real so you may as well hunker down plant yourself where you are and allow that storm to teach you the lesson that it came to teach you and if you have to run away run together run together don’t run alone but again one of the one of the things that growing up we loved hurricanes because we didn’t have to go to school and we knew a hurricane party was coming everybody was going whoever the family member was with the biggest house everybody was going to the house and spread out on the float with some games and some liquor and kids running around all over everywhere and we learned to come closer together in those moments we learned to love each other harder in those moments and that has been such a valuable part of our relationship is that when things get difficult we just love each other harder yeah we we have art we need our space sometimes but we make it a priority to love each other harder to understand that this person is going through a storm now is not the time for me to point fingers at them now is not the time for me to make it worse now is the time for me to tap into my strength and make sure that everything around us is secured now is the time for me to make sure the environment is conducive for us to get through this storm together okay as comfortably as possible if you’re the strong one in that moment be the strong one and that doesn’t mean you always have to be the strong one but in that moment be the strong one and I think that something that I see especially here in American culture we get weary in well-doing very easily and we look at our relationships and we don’t realize that God ordained for man and woman to be together that ordain for us to help each other and go through things together and grow through things together and it does not mean again that you should grow through abuse or you should go through you know things that are tearing you down as a person but a lot of things aren’t tearing you down as a person they’re making you uncomfortable and you run from that discomfort and you find more discomfort because that discomfort was the dirt that you needed to grow through to blossom and you find that you’re never growing you’re never experiencing that progress that you’re looking for in life because when it gets uncomfortable when it costs too much when it takes to when it requires too much from you you don’t show up for it you run away from it and so let that be a lesson for you don’t see these things about yourself if you see these things about yourself and continue in them if you see these things about yourself change them change them hello hello hello everyone and so that spiritual fortitude that you need that mindset that hard set that you need we will be going through and I’ll be teaching lessons on all of those things at the feminine success retreat the theme is revival the theme is revival and to revive something is to strengthen and improve what is already there I am NOT putting on an empowerment event because I believe that you already have the power it’s not my job to give you power my job is to help you strengthen the power that’s already in you and the feminine success retreat revival is just that it’s just that you are going back and getting all of the things that you left behind so that you can move forward with strength so that you can move forward with intention and a plan a solid plan for how you will address the storms in your life how you will address your celebrations how you will build from where you are and grow from where you are and I am so excited super excited we went in toward the location yesterday so if you miss yesterday’s live I showed you guys a little bit of behind the scenes of the location of the feminine success retreat while it was nice and beautiful and sunny outside I’m excited I’m really excited because there are some very cool things very cool things that will be happening there captain gether says is it okay to sneak and spy on your spouse or is that betrayal if you have to sneak and spy on your spouse then your spouse is obviously betraying you nothing should be hidden in a relationship I don’t have to sneak and spy on my husband his phone is right here on my desk his phone is right here and I will go through it at my discretion and he will go through mine at my discretion wherever I’m going my locations are on he can follow me there if he needs to that is a part of being in a relationship to me I want my husband to know where I am at all times because if I need him to show up and protect me I need him to know where I’m at we just we don’t deal with those kinds of things and we talked about that when we went live and talked about is a break good for your relationship do you have to know the level of your relationship and be ready and willing to elevate the level of your relationship when you are in a relationship where infidelity cheating sneaking betrayal all of those things are issues your relationship is vibrating on a very low frequency so you guys have to come together and say you know what we’re better than this we’re better than this it’s time for us to elevate our frequency it’s time for us to elevate the things that that we care about in our relationship and not to say that we’re perfect but those are just not things that we deal with because the problems that we have are on an elevated level hey hey for Rita the the issues that we deal with are just elevated issues it’s not that we don’t have issues not that they heard any less it’s not that they’re less frustrating they’re just not on that level so if you have to sneak around and spy I wouldn’t even be in that relationship personally and I would I would examine myself and ask myself is this an insecurity within me because I wouldn’t call it betrayal I would say you know is this a secure and insecurity that I have within myself that I need to address before I bring this drama into someone’s life if you’re the person being spied on is am I not a trustworthy person have I broken this person’s trust and what do I need to do to reconcile that yeah so I would I would examine myself and I would examine the relationship I would examine the relationship are there any other questions that was a really good question let me scroll down a little bit yep the only way through it is through it both okay very valuable thank you for this perspective thank you everyone for your prayers my melanin glow says saying this I’m always too late to them hey sissy auntie momma yeah yeah oh goodness keeping up Elena oh thank you so much I appreciate it any other questions you guys y’all had some really good questions today yeah we’re um we’re gonna what we didn’t get is snacks because we weren’t thinking snacks but we’re gonna go run to Cusco and grab some snacks and just ride it out with some movies hopefully the lights stay on that’s the the only real issue that we have over here in our neighborhood is the lights going out we’re on high ground but like right around the corner floods really bad so we’re just making sure that everything that we have we I mean we need we have that all of our devices are charged and that we’re ready to go if we need to go but every storm is not a storm that you run from literally every storm is not a storm that you run from in relationships the the the smartest thing you can do is expect storms and prepare for them expect storms and prepare for them I have so many friends who are single who are single because they they have run away again and again and again and they they’re you know they look back a lot of times and they’re like man that was a great relationship that was a great guy I’d be married now if I hadn’t run and every storm is not something to run from and that’s why that’s another reason why I love the feminist success community and it’s great to have a coach a mentor in your corner because some the things that you run from you really just need another perspective on or you really just need better tools to deal with those things some of it if you would just look at it in a different way you could get different results from it but you can only see what you can see that’s why two heads is better than one it’s important to have more than just yourself in your life that you are seeking counsel and guidance from and smart wise people not people who encourage you to run from storms because sometimes your girlfriends and I’ve been there your single girlfriends want you to be single too cuz then y’all have more to talk about together y’all can complain and and all that together you want to be around people who are going to advise you and support you and give you the resources and the tools that you need to weather the storms of life to weather the storms of life and not just girl leave or quit we’re just not built to be quitters we’re not built to be runners down here in New Orleans and a lot of times people are like oh I need to move to New Orleans and get me a New Orleans woman or a New Orleans man and not only are we very hospitable and we’re very accommodating and we make sure that we take care of each other but we also learn to weather storms early in life Monni chronicles says sometimes I shy away from speaking to my husband because he’s confrontational at times what can you recommend I recommend getting communication training I recommend communication training I recommend there’s this book I sent to one of my friends the other day I thought I had it right here on my desk but I don’t it’s called communication miracles for couples and it’s really good so get that and or you know if you’ve read something similar actually apply what you read cuz a lot of times you read all these books the self-help and all these things and you don’t apply it and you’re like I’m reading I’m reading the books but are you doing the books so get communication miracles for couples is really good and apply some of the things that you’ve learned in that book if hiring support is not within your reach right now that’s the next best thing I would say read and apply what you read but communication is important in your relationship kind of comprehension on top of communication is important in your relationship is there a level of understanding that your husband needs is there something that has created this confrontational energy about him is he defending himself is he feeling attacked there are lots of demands ego is very fragile and we go into it in depth and feminine successful we talk about what how to talk to a man so he listens but men’s egos are very fragile and there is value in that there’s value in that but we have to learn that perspective to be able to see the value in the things that are naturally around us to see that you know a man’s ego being fragile is not just a downfall for him hey Evelyn so good to see you girl today I’m talking about three lessons and love that we have learned from the storm as we prepare for hurricane berry which is really interesting because my stepdads name is berry and my parents are divorced so I learned a whole lot of lessons from storms the first thing is that you have to learn to weather the storm you don’t run from the storm you don’t panic when a storm comes you learn to hunker down you learn to draw closer to each other you learn to create an environment that is conducive for everyone weathering the storm everyone who’s involved weathering the storm the next thing would that you learn is to prepare don’t go through your as if storms will never come invest in your relationship before the storm comes invest in your relationship before the storm comes so many people run away every time a relationship gets difficult the only way through it is through it the only way through it is through it because the storm will follow you many times you see yourself going through the similar situation the similar storms over and over again because every time it comes you run from it instead of learning from it and so make sure that you are learning from your storms that you are getting the tools and the resources that you need to make that storm a lot more comfortable for yourself a lot more comfortable for your spouse and that you learn how to come closer to each other that you learn how to how to love on each other better during that time creative ways to make it fun creative ways to just take the edge off and then the third thing third piece of the puzzle is don’t blame your partner for the storm don’t blame your partner for the storm I know it is hard it is hard but during a storm is not the time to point fingers why because the storm will pass the storm will pass and no storm lasts forever when you realize that storms come in seasons that there is a rainy season there is a dry season there’s a there’s a season of growth you expect that season and you’re not pointing fingers when it happens it’s no one’s fault no one is to blame for the storm your job is to get through it together and yes there are times when a mandatory evacuation is called but guess what when you have prepared when you have built up your foundation together as a couple when you’ve learned how to love you love on each other better when it’s time to run away you’re not running away from each other you’re running together you evacuate together and so I hope that it’s been valuable for you guys my wonderful husband is right here right now this could have been a free game Friday but he’s walking around the house making sure that everything is secured everything is tied down all of our valuables don’t let your first response be to run let your first response be to secure what is valuable to you and guess what you have to decide that your relationship is valuable to you that love is valuable to you okay so we’re gonna run to Costco now we’re gonna run the Costco now and grab some chips and dip and things like that for the kids also make sure that the things that you’re really really gonna need when the storm hit you have them before the storm comes so don’t be that person in the store at the last minute fighting the the stock person because the water ain’t on the shelf okay you want to make sure that you see the signs of a storm that you expect a stormy season and that you work all year to make sure that you are prepared for whatever comes that’s your relationship because for better or for worse is real for richer for poorer is real in sickness and in health is real okay so act like it act like it act like you got in that thing to keep that thing all right so hopefully this has helped someone if you have not already make sure that you secure your spot for the feminine success retreat coming in October it is four amazing days of building of growth of releasing and revival revival we are strengthening your feminine power so that you can go back into your life with a plan with a purpose and with passion so whether you’re storms and make your life amazing I’ll talk to you guys soon

Comments

    Laraine Allissa

    (12/14/2019 - 6:55 am)

    Great analogy. Definitely something that needs to be heard, especially before getting in a serious relationship.

    Giselle Gabe

    (12/14/2019 - 6:55 am)

    This video was so great, and the way you explained it made so much sense. This helped me so much, thank you!

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