Placeholder Guy or the Real Deal?Love and Dating Advice for women|Gayla Wick





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hello gala WIC Denver love coach here and today I want to start this video out with a question and that is do you think that being in a relationship that maybe is good not great maybe not you’re not satisfied you’re not really happy with a relationship but maybe it’s better than not being in a relationship at all well I really want you to think about that because many of the women I meet who are not married are dating guys that really aren’t right for them and they know that on some level but they think it’s better to be in a relationship than to not be in a relationship in fact I want to share a conversation I had with you with someone that I met recently and she was telling me that years ago before she met her husband she was dating what she called a placeholder boyfriend so we talked about that and I asked for some questions about that I thought you might find it interesting and useful so what she said is that first of all he was a really nice guy and she didn’t want to hurt his feelings and he was very kind to her and they didn’t fight but she knew that they actually had nothing in common they couldn’t even agree on a movie to watch however she was young and she was confused because the sex was great but that was it there was really nothing else to the relationship and in her heart of hearts she knew that this was not the person that she wanted to be with long term but the signals were very confusing again because he was a really nice guy they did have some fun together but when she really thought about it she knew he wasn’t right for her again because they didn’t really have anything in common and even with a really good sex life she said she was really always sad afterwards I have to tell you that is a really big sign and a really big clue that there’s a problem going on so what I just wanted to say to you today is if you’re single and you’re in a relationship and you know when you really think about it that this is not going to bring you any more happiness or satisfaction or fulfillment on any level then I suggest that you really think about that because in here here’s the big secret that I want to share with you when you stay in a relationship that you know either isn’t right or isn’t going anywhere there is an opportunity cost so want you to remember that term an opportunity cost because when you are out with this person the potential man or date or mate that could be in your life is going to see you with someone else and they’re not gonna have any idea that this guy is not right for you they’re just gonna think oh okay she has a boyfriend or she has a relationship I mean unless you have a t-shirt on that says I’m not taking you I’m free for you to pursue me which of course you’re not going to do this guy is not gonna have any idea that you’re not happy in this relationship so just because you’re in a relationship you’re losing the opportunity to perhaps be pursued by someone who would love to take you out that you would have a lot in common with and those of you who’ve read my book know I talk a lot about substantial compatibility it’s really important to have substantial compatibility in your relationship because you’re going to be spending a lot of time together and so having a great sex life is not a foundation for a relationship it’s just a great part of our relationship but it’s not some that you can build a foundation on so I really want you to think about this and if you are in what my friend called a placeholder relationship I want you to think about taking a different Road because first of all this is not really fair to the other person and I know it’s painful I I know it’s painful or at least challenging to sit the person down that you’ve been dating and say you know we need to talk I really have to tell you that I don’t think this relationship is going in the direction that will be satisfying for either one of us I think it’s really time that we go our separate ways I know those conversations are tough there are many ways to have the conversation that are easier than what you might be thinking and it’s one of those things that I do teach my love coaching clients but today I just really wanted to you to think about it it is so not true that being in any relationship is is better than not being in a relationship and as I’ve said many times before it is far better to be single than to be in a relationship that does not add to your life I love relationship needs to complement your life in his life and if you can’t come together on lots of common ground again cause substantial compatibility and create a life that really brings you joy and happiness and fulfillment and something that you both are excited about and you want to grow in together then it’s not the right relationship so I’ve talked a little bit about this before I talked about what happens when you can’t get over a past relationship so that may help you as well when you’re thinking about how to get out of this relationship and your concern that it may not be so easy to get beyond it or passive I’m going to post a link down here in the description of this video and also I would just want to remind you that if you haven’t subscribed to my youtube channel click the little red box over there that says subscribe and I would love to have you as part of my online community I hope this question has helped you today and if you know someone who’s struggling with this and may be stuck in a sort of a placeholder relationship you might want to share this video with them so that they can really begin to think about this so until next time Gayla wick denver love coach wishing you all the best in love and in life

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